beckyc:

shortmom:

Most of us are here because we struggle:

• with food
• with exercise
• creating healthy habits
• with our minds

When we’re posting the good stuff (“I ran 10 miles!” or “Did great at the gym!” or “Passed up on that pizza!” or “Went down a size in my jeans!”) — when posting that, you’ll get lots and lots of kudos.

When we’re posting the bad (“I’m really sad,” or “I keep wrecking it on the weekends,” or “I can’t find the motivation to get out the door,” or “My shirts no longer fit”) — you’ll get your core people commenting and you’ll get a couple of e-hugs. And then you might even stop posting because there’s nothing more you can say except to sound like a broken record.

But know that when you feel like you aren’t getting that attention and you’re backsliding, when you’re falling off the wagon — we’re still supporting you. You still belong here.

This is when you need to be here the most. Lurking in the shadows, clawing your way out of the pit, finding that tiny spark to get going again.

And it is HARD. When you’re in the dumps and you can’t get motivated and you’re failing every day. It is HARD. And just about everyone here knows that. Nobody is shocked or mad or disappointed except yourself. Nobody is judging you except yourself.

What we WILL do is tell you to M/WTFU when you need it!

Shortmom always knows what to say when you’re down.

To this day, my mother shies away from pictures and constantly talks about how fat she is and feels. Growing up, it was the exact same way. I cannot even tell you how many times I heard talk of diets, “bad” foods, and the horrors of gaining weight. I can’t blame her for all of my body image/food problems, and that’s not the purpose of this post, but I do think she definitely had a hand in shaping the way I view my body, food, and weight. There are a few weight and food related events and situations from my childhood/early teenage years that still haunt me today, and I don’t think I will ever be able to shake them from my memory.

When I have children, I will try my damndest to promote positive body image and healthy relationships with food. That is one of the biggest goals for this weight loss journey I’ve been on for the past few years. I want to be able to raise a healthy family where food and body issues are not topics that are shoved in the corner and avoided, but are also not the center of my children’s lives. I hope never to let my children hear me call myself fat or talk about how I wish I could change my body. If nothing else, I hope to provide my future children with the opportunity for wholehearted self-love that I never had.

My sister is having her newspaper’s end of the year party tomorrow afternoon, and I usually stop in toward the end so I can visit my favorite teacher from high school. I want to go this year, but there’s a part of me that really would rather not. I can’t face the fact that I’m almost 60 pounds heavier than I was at this time last year. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does.

Last year everyone was so proud of how hard I was working and how amazing I looked. Now that I’ve gone and proved everyone right by gaining all the weight back, I’m not sure I can deal with people’s reactions. Or not even their reactions, really. Just wondering what they’re thinking or what they’re going to say once I leave. I hate that I’ve let myself do this, and I wish there was some way to undo all of it. I really want to stop feeling like shit about myself and stop letting people get in the way of what I want to do.

My mother, sister, and I went out for the day and I was actually able to enjoy myself for most of it. There were a few times where things got a bit iffy, but overall I came out unscathed and pretty much emotionally stable. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll stick around for a while longer. You guys are so supportive and it honestly means the world to me. I think I might attempt to work things out for a little while, but with less emphasis on weight loss and whatnot. I’ll be around, but probably not nearly as much as I usually am.

Balance is something I really need to work on. Not just in regards to my weight, but my life in general: my mental heath, work, relationships, etc. I think that’s really where I struggle the most. But thanks to a couple of awesome people on here, I have some new ideas on how to work through this. Hopefully this means I’m here to stay for a while.

I hope everyone had a wonderful day, and again I sincerely appreciate all of your love and advice <3

I’ve been having a lot of issues lately, some of which I touched on in my novel of a text post yesterday afternoon. There’s a possibility that I might be leaving Tumblr (at least for a month, possibly more) in order to figure out why I’m having these problems and get myself mentally and emotionally stable. I really would rather not leave, as I’ve found some great friends on this site, but it might be for the best.

Before I do, though, I would really appreciate any advice anyone has for me. If you’ve ever found yourself in my shoes, or even in a similar position, and you’ve managed to overcome your problems, I would really just like to know how you did it. Anything you have to offer would be amazing, whether it’s part of your own story or just a mantra or quote you live by. I would really like to stick around Tumblr for a while longer, but right now that’s just not looking like a possibility. Maybe it’s selfish of me to ask you guys for advice like this, but I’m desperate. I don’t mean to feed off of your struggles or anything like that, honestly.

So I guess, in short, I’m really wondering: what do you guys do when you find yourselves and the bottom of your rope and it seems like there’s no way out? When you first suspected you had an eating disorder, what was your first step? How did you overcome it? How do you stop the endless cycles of binge eating and self-destructive behaviors? And, perhaps most importantly, how did you go from hating your body to truly loving yourself?

Again, I don’t usually do this. And I hate imposing on people. I just could sincerely use the help.

Thank you so very much in advance. I can’t even begin to tell you what this means to me. Even if no one responds, all of your endless support has been more of a help to me than you will ever know. And I sincerely appreciate every single one of you <3

I sat down to write about how I’ve been feeling lately, but nothing was coming out. Instead, I ended up with over a thousand words about what I’m seriously starting to think is an eating disorder and some serious confidence and self-image issues. Read if you’d like. I don’t know. I’ll probably delete this later. I just needed to get it all out.

Also, it might be triggering to anyone dealing with eating disorders or self-harm. Just a heads up. So…yeah.

Read More

I’m so disgusted with myself and I feel like shit three quarters of the time. I can hardly look at my reflection without having a mild panic attack and I’m bingeing almost constantly. Food is controlling my life and I can’t stop it. I really just need help.

Last month when I went in they brought me right to the exam room without weighing me or anything, so I thought I would be fine today. But no. The nurse forced me on the scale and it took everything I had not to break down once I opened my eyes and saw the number staring back at me. Then she brought me back to the room, asked about my symptoms, and took my blood pressure. I’ve always had low to normal blood pressure, but today my reading was in the mild stage 1 hypertension zone. So that’s fucking awesome. Then, as if I wasn’t upset enough, after my doctor finished asking about everything and logging everything into the computer, he noticed that my weight measurements are off. Since they didn’t weigh me in March when I went in, my most recent weight (from over a year ago) was my recorded weight. And since I’ve gained so much back, there was a 50 pound difference between my March 6th number and today’s. So of course he asked about that so we could get it all cleared up. He asked if I weight myself at home and what I weighed, and then I had to tell him how I’d lost a bunch of weight and then gained it all back. And now I feel like shit and I’ve been having some really bad thoughts. Plus, after all of that, it turns out I don’t have strep or a sinus infection and that it’s probably just a bad cold. So basically I just need to keep taking over the counter stuff and deal with it until it goes away, which means I wasted money and time and my sanity for absolutely nothing. Today is not off to a great start :(