My sister is having her newspaper’s end of the year party tomorrow afternoon, and I usually stop in toward the end so I can visit my favorite teacher from high school. I want to go this year, but there’s a part of me that really would rather not. I can’t face the fact that I’m almost 60 pounds heavier than I was at this time last year. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does.

Last year everyone was so proud of how hard I was working and how amazing I looked. Now that I’ve gone and proved everyone right by gaining all the weight back, I’m not sure I can deal with people’s reactions. Or not even their reactions, really. Just wondering what they’re thinking or what they’re going to say once I leave. I hate that I’ve let myself do this, and I wish there was some way to undo all of it. I really want to stop feeling like shit about myself and stop letting people get in the way of what I want to do.